What one can learn from a monkey…

Seriously, what can one learn from a monkey? I would think a lot. I personally have learnt much these past couple of months. The beauty of it is that I don’t even need to be in the physical presence of one to actually learn from it. I have learnt that the word monkey is somehow the eye of an international cricket storm/issue. It’s either monkeys who play cricket or all cricketers are monkeys, or maybe it is the spectators who are the monkeys. Who knows, I always get that part mixed up, and very intentionally too. J 

I come from a cricket frenzied nation. We’re not just crazy about cricket but we almost work ourselves in to a frenzy over a mere game. Just for this last statement, I have a feeling I will face a cricket fatwa from some of the members on this reader list. Whatever! All in all it is very amusing watching grown men and women (mostly men) become blathering idiots over a game. In India, Cricket is not just a game; it is our national sport, our favorite pastime. It is the one sport that sells cars, candy and cool drinks. I have often been accused of being unpatriotic all because I have not been able to drum up the necessary levels of enthusiasm when India plays a match. I’m sorry but I really don’t care. I don’t care if Anil Kumble takes a record 608(I may be off here) wickets or if he makes a test century. Seriously guys, grow up. It’s a game and some folks are interested and then there are some who just aren’t interested. 

I played a lot of sports growing up. Badminton and table tennis were a staple, Basket Ball was the sport for which I was handpicked for the school team – not because I was good at it but because I had the height for it. Apart from these sports, I have always taken an active interest in field and track events while in School. I also tried my hand at Kabbadi but then called it quits when I lost three buttons off my school shirt in one game. Time to move on to something with less physical contact. My Mom always complained how dirty our school uniforms got – well you should have seen our Basketball court – the D’s were basically hollowed out. The dirt from the Basket Ball court usually landed up on our shirts. A few too many hop, skip and jumps I guess!. 

I never excelled at sports, I was your average person who also enjoyed sports. Seeing me now, you may not know it but in school, I was actually sought out for most sporting events. I have a whole bunch of certificates to prove it too. And so despite having been active in sports and having participated in a variety of sports, I have never had the patience for Cricket. It always was too long to sit through. 15 minutes into the match and it is still the 2^nd ball of the 2^nd over – Oh My God! Another 18 overs(in most school matches each team played 10 overs each) and 4 balls to go. At this rate, life will totally pass me by. Even the grass takes less time to grow. 

To say that I’ve never been interested in the game of cricket would be an untruth. Yes, I’ve taken an interest in cricket now and then.  My first crush was on the Captain of the KV No 2, Pathankot Cricket Team. What is KV No 2, Pathankot, you ask. Well that was the name of our school. In fact apart from a few schools with distinguished names –   Bishop Scot, Staines High, Lawrence School, Fort William or St Josephs, most of the schools I attended had non descript names like KV No 1 Army, Deolali Cantt or KV BSF, Jodhpur. No fancy cricket teams in PKot.  So with stars in my eyes I sat through the first five overs of the inter-KV cricket match. We were playing an equally non descript team called KV No 1 – Airforce, Pathankot team. And it took an entire day for the game to trudge on and I was fast asleep by the end of the match. I was shaken awake when the girls around me were getting up to go home. I then found out we were well and soundly trounced, oh well, Airforce scores another one against the army. Was I interested in the match, ummmm no. I couldn’t care enough. But the cricket captain dude sure cared and so yes, I cared too. Well, love they say is completely blind and I definitely proved the point. 

The next time I was interested in the sport was when Imran Khan was the captain of the Pakistan team. Now, there was a dude. I think most girls my age at that time had a massive crush on the Pakistan Captain. Till then I couldn’t fathom how curly hair could look good on a guy. What better way to sell Godrej soap than to ask Imran Khan to endorse the product. I think I used that darn Cinthol soap for at least a couple of years before switching to Lux.  

I barely know cricketers by name, but please do not ask me what or how they look like. A few I know since they adorn the Page 3 columns. A few like Kapil Dev and Sunil Gavaskar – you have to know. I think everyone and their grandmas know them. I had to know a couple of sport facts since they always showed up ominously on all the General Knowledge tests and quizzes. What was the batting average of so and so, who was the man of the match of so and so match. Who knows and seriously who cared. I’d rather spend time learning if Benazir Bhutto was actually corrupt or not. Cricket averages indeed.  

More recently I am stuck between my husband and his obsession for cricket. He never misses a match if possible. He loves the game and can pore over statistics for days and days. His entire family is loony over the game. There are days when I get up in the morning to hear him talking to his business partner in Uk and they always first spend the first fifteen minutes discussing the current/last/up coming cricket match. And only then get down to talking shop. When some player hits a fundoo six, you can hear my husband reaching for the phone – why? To call another cricket fanatic and discuss the six. I have a friends circle full of cricket mad people, they can stay awake eth entire night for a match. That is called dedication. I’ve often been dragged to these all night games. I being me, always take a good romance novel to keep me company. 

And so coming back to the completely over hyped fiasco involving the word monkey or a gaali – whatever the case maybe. I finally got interested in Anil Kumble. Why you ask, well you have to hear my Husband speak about him in glowing terms. A living legend, the best thing to happen to Indian Cricket, the best captain India has ever had….the list goes on and on. I think CNN-IBN went so far as to call him Captain Courageous, OUCH! And so I just had to see this paragon of virtue and so I pored over the internet looking for him. He’s a decent looking dude – seems very down to earth. I have so far seen two interviews of him and I can say, he is very good at speaking his mind and doing it very diplomatically at that. He also has a very heavy South Indian accent and says embarrassing like my Dad does. And I think my Dad would like to remind me that he paid for the school that taught me English. J Point taken Dad. 

I think Mr Kumble’s interviews are fun to watch. And now try getting me to watch a cricket match with him in it – fat chance. No way Jose! I’d rather watch grass grow.